An Interview With The Host Club
by Kid and Soul's Girls
Summary: Thorn and Pandora interview the cast of Ouran about random things... Yeah. Not technically a crossover but there are other series in here too. It's complete and utter nonsense, but we hope it will make you laugh. T for adult themes and language and such but no explicit content.


Thorn: hellooooooo people! And we're live from the studio, bringing you all the craziness from inside our heads!

*audience applause*

Pandora: yeah! Today we have a special treat for you.

*gasp from audience*

Thorn: all the way from Japan, we bring to you a group of heartthrob students from the prestigious Ouran Academy- The Ouran Host Club! *gestures to left stage*

Kyoya: hello everyone. So glad to be here.

Twins: yeah! Totally excited.

Pandora: and we are glad to have you here.

Thorn: sit, sit! *snaps and chairs appear* ah, the power of backstage magic.

Hunny: *waves* hi everybody~

Thorn: isn't he adorable?

Pandora: So cute.

Tamaki: This is going to be so much fun.

*Girly squeal from audience*

Thorn: *rolls eyes* now then! Our surprise guest should be- *lights cut out* Ah, right on schedule!

Pandora: Here he comes. The one. The only...

*scary music*

Thorn: I didn't know we had an organ... Huh. Ahem! Umehito Nekozawa!

*soft, dark laughter as candle comes from backstage*

*fangirls in front row flip shit and wear dark clothes and black wigs*

Kyoya: I was not informed that he was going to be here.

Pandora: *ignores Kyoya* How are you today Neko-senpai?

Neko: *offers dark smile* Beelzenef and I are well. *has Beelzenef wave*

Thorn: *shifts slightly to keep from going fangirl nuts* our first order of business today...

*fireball comes from backstage*

Thorn: hit the deck!

*everyone goes down as screaming comes from backstage*

Thorn: Pandora, take care of this. I'll be back. *pushes up sleeves and goes*

Pandora: While Thorn takes care of that problem I would like to ask a few questions. First, Kyoya-senpai. How would you feel if Neko-senpai was part of the host club?

*loud thumping and yelling comes from backstage*

Kyoya: I don't see that ever happening since the goals of the clubs are very different. However, it has the possibility of increasing our profits considerably.

Neko: I would never want to join your club.*Beelzenef nods*

Pandora: What traits does Neko-senpai possess that would increase your profits?

Kyoya: It would expand our ability to please many different types of girls, and that would stretch to include the set that obviously exists here. *gestures to fangirls*

Pandora: Yeah, I see you have many fans Neko-senpai.

Neko: We are flattered. But the answer is still no.

*mix of sobs and 'why?' from audience*

Neko: But you could always join the Black Magic Club if you are interested. *laughs menacingly*

Pandora: I think you have some new members Neko-senpai.

Thorn: *storms from backstage with hands curled and hair a mess and plops in chair*

Twins: whoa, what happened to you?

Thorn: I thought I was gonna haveta kill me a dragon slayer and an ice Mage. *scowls and coughs slight puff of smoke*

Hikaru: ... You've got something in your hair...

Thorn: *feels ice at tips and growls before sighing*

Hunny: dragon slayer? Ice Mage?

Thorn: ... Nevermind.

Pandora: what are they doing here?

Neko: ice mage? We would like to meet this person.

Pandora: I'm not sure that's such a good idea.

Thorn: uh, no. And they're always here. These guys are pretty much the only ones that don't live in the endless existence of backstage production.

Pandora: Hikaru and Kaoru. How would you feel if Neko-senpai joined the host club?

*they pull out a flashlight and get jumped by fangirls*

Thorn: *coughs* moving on...

Pandora: easy now ladies. Do you think Natsu and Gray would like to join us Thorn? *wink wink*

Thorn: *sweatdrop* I dunno... I don't think it's a good idea... Unless you bring Erza out too... But if you would like, Nekozawa Senpai, we will introduce you to Gray after we're through here.

Pandora: well why don't you go ask them.*Pushes her backstage*

Haruhi: that was a little mean.

Pandora: she'll get over it. Ok ok. Where were we?

Neko: that would be lovely. We would like that very much.

*rumbling and pounding and crashing backstage*

Thorn: *dragging Natsu*

Erza: *dragging Gray*

Thorn: you owe me big time, Pandora. *drops Natsu in center stage* We've got five minutes of them here. Let's hurry this up, will you?

Pandora: not me. Neko-senpai is the one who wanted to meet Gray. I just thought it would be rude to leave them out of the fun. And no fighting! *Glares at Natsu and Gray* We are renting this place.

Thorn: seriously! I had to pay for what you guys destroyed anyway!

Gray: ... Who're these morons? And what's up with the cape?

Natsu: maybe he's from a dark guild.

Thorn: non. They're human, you guys. No powers.

Tamaki: what do you mean human? Does that mean they're not human?

Neko: we are pleased to meet you.

Twins: awesome! So what are you?

Pandora: Natsu is a dragon slayer. And Gray is an ice mage. They are wizards.

Thorn: you two! *points at the twins* keep a distance. We don't need any more damage... But no, they're not human. We should've brought Happy out... Oh, and this is Erza. *beams* she's awesome. Her thing is ex-quip.

Erza: mostly I just try to keep these two in line...

Pandora: I don't think anyone else could.

Twins: equip? What's that?

Pandora: would you mind doing a demonstration?

Thorn: no, ex-quip. It means she can change into a variety of different armors. Erza?

Erza: *nods and changes to Lightning Empress Armor*

Twins: wow! That's awesome! *Goes to touch it*

Erza: *slaps them away*

Pandora: impressive. Thank you Ezra. *Scowls at twins*

Tamaki: I'm in love! *heart eyes*

Thorn: I'd back off... Anyway, that's all the time we've got for you guys, thanks! *tosses keys to Erza* those are for the kitchen-tell L he can't hog all the cake.

Erza: the one with the wild black hair that sits weird?

Thorn: *sighs* yeah...

*they head offstage*

Pandora: back to our questions. Thorn, what do you have for our guests?

Thorn: welllllll... *narrows eyes evilly* how would Tamaki and Kyoya feel about being locked in a closet together?

Pandora: ohhhhhh.

*audience is silent*

*guys are silent*

Kyoya: well it all depends. What would be going on in said closet? How long would we be on there?

Tamaki: huh?

*Fangirls giggle. They know what's going on*

Thorn: that depends on how much fun the rest of us are having. And... Whatever you guys want. But *coughs*

*fangirls at back of the audience scream 'yaoi'*

Pandora:* laughs loudly* sorry.

Tamaki: uh we could talk business.

Kyoya: sounds good to me.

Thorn: *facepalm*

Twins: boss, I don't think that's what the ladies want.

Pandora: do you even know what a yaoi is?

Thorn: *laughs evilly*

Twins: we do. And we'd be surprised if Tamaki didn't, with all the romance anime he says he watches.

Thorn: Renge!

*she appears suddenly from rising pad in floor*

Thorn: *whispers something to her*

Renge: *grins so widely and scarily it makes Neko shudder*

Pandora: uh, what was that about?

Renge: *drags both of them to small 3X3 closet and shoves them in.* LET THERE BE YAOI!

*cheering from audience*

Haruhi: there's not much room in that closet Renge. Are you sure that's a good idea?

Pandora: its fine.*hehehe*

Thorn: we'll check on them periodically.

Pandora: they're probably just standing there.

Thorn: got that covered too. Renge will take care of it. *grins similar to Renge's*

Pandora: oh dear. You scare me sometimes.

Mori: hm...

Thorn: *shrugs* all I had to do was say Kyoya. The girl's crazier than I am. I would just lock them in there and wait. Her? Not so much. Anyway! Moving on.

Pandora: where have the twins gone?

Thorn: eh?

*white ferret runs through, chased by Pluto and both sets of twins, followed by Finny*

Thorn: Fred! George! What's going on?

Fred: Mad-eye turned this idiot into a ferret again and he won't let us-

Thorn: *clicks tongue*  
*ferret jumps to beside her thigh in chair, hissing*

Thorn: Pluto! Here boy!

Pandora: Pluto! Sit! *He quickly sits down* down. *She points to the floor* *he lays down* good boy.

Thorn: it's a little white ferret... *takes Sebastian doll and tosses it to Pluto* good boy!

Pandora: Finny. If you wouldn't mind taking Pluto somewhere where he won't be a problem.

Finny: sure thing Pandora. You sure have a way with demon hounds.

Hikaru: demon?

Kaoru: hound? But he looked like a human?

Pandora: that happens when he gets excited.

Thorn: *sighs and picks up ferret* if you wouldn't insist on getting yourself into trouble, we wouldn't have this problem.

Pandora: give him here. I'll fix him.

Hikaru: how are you going to do that?

Pandora: I have my ways. *grins maniacally*

Thorn: nah, lets wait until after the show. Too much interruption already.

*ferret squeaks defiantly*

Thorn: maybe if I keep you like this, you'll learn to hold your tongue. And THEN I'll let Pandora do what she pleases.

*He quiets down and curls up*

Pandora: so where were we?

Thorn: ... I dunno.

Hunny: we forgot about Kyo-Chan and Tama-Chan.

Pandora: oh crap. Renge!

Thorn: *opens laptop and brings up closet on screen. Stares*

Pandora: *Looks at screen* oh my. *Nosebleed*

Hikaru: I didn't know he was that flexible.

Thorn: *holds nose to keep from getting nosebleed but then proceeds to drool*

Haruhi: I don't even want to look. *Blushes*

Renge: I have to admit. I wasn't expecting that.*turns head to see better*

Thorn: *pulls Haruhi to look at screen*

Haruhi: *Stares*

*silence for long moment*

Thorn: *closes laptop abruptly* if we don't stop watching that, we're going to get nowhere. *walkie talkies Renge* tell 'em they got another ten.

Renge: roger.

Pandora: *tosses away bloody rag* so...

Thorn: ahem. On to the twins.

Pandora: good idea.

Twins: *smile* yes?

Thorn: ... ... ... I don't know what to say... Pandora...?

Pandora: do you think you two would get along if you weren't twins?

*they look at each other*

Hikaru: of course we would get along. *grabs kaoru's chin* I can't help but love him.

Kaoru: I wouldn't want it any other way.

Thorn: *rolls eyes* yeah, cool it you two.

*They snap out of their little world*

Pandora: that's the only question I had for you two. *Looks through notes* Thorn?

Thorn: ... I got nothing...

Pandora: Ok on to Hunny-senpai and Mori-senpai then.

Hunny: Yay! *takes a bite of cake*

Thorn: *smiles* I guess we should start with how the both of you would feel if Nekozawa-Senpai joined the host club.

Mori: eh *shrugs*

Hunny: I think it would be fun!

Neko: we are flattered.

Thorn: *looks at watch and walkies Renge*

Renge: they're... Cleaning themselves up...

Thorn: ... Kay...

Twins: what do you think made them do that?

Pandora: could have been anything.

Thorn: Renge definitely. Or maybe they just had it in them...

*Renge comes back onstage skipping with the two guys behind her*

Pandora: here we go.

Renge: *humming*

Thorn: *sniffs to keep from nosebleed again* so how... Erm... what'd you guys... Ah, forget it.

Pandora: I just can't. *Walks backstage for a moment*

Thorn: ... Well. Then I guess I gotta. *has to talk through fit of giggles* how was it?

Kyoya: it was satisfactory.

Tamaki: what?! Satisfactory?! Was I not good enough for you?!

Pandora: calm down Tamaki. I'm sure he enjoyed himself. It looks like you did too.

*He fixes his hair and adjusts in his seat*

Thorn: *covers mouth partially to conceal more giggles* Haruhi enjoyed it.

*all eyes go to her*

Haruhi: *Blushes and turns away*

Tamaki: IT DIDNT MEAN ANYTHING! I swear! *drops into depression cloud*

Thorn: *hums* hey, man. Think what you like. There is such a thing is BI you know. *winks*

Tamaki: What? Oh, right.

Haruhi: *smiles* I guess that's ok.

Tamaki: really? I shall never love another! I swear it my sweet.

Pandora: oh-kay! That's enough of the lovey-dovey.

Thorn: yeah, especial since everything from the past half hour is on video... *coughs*

Pandora: looks like our little friend is finally awake. *pets ferret's head*

Thorn: ah. *leans over and scratches his ear* you know, he's still adorable. *sighs* we should change him back now...

Pandora: yeah. We should. *picks him up*

Neko: we would like to see how this is done. Do you mind if we watch?

Twins: us too!

Pandora: I don't mind, follow me.

Thorn: just do it out here, then. No biggie.

Pandora: are you sure? You know how magic can be.

Thorn: we'll get some people backstage on the protective charms... Un momento. *goes to front of stage* don't try this at home kids!

Pandora: *pulls wand out from seemingly nowhere*

Thorn: *sets ferret in center of floor*

*Silence from every one*

Pandora: *magic words and mumbo jumbo* *poof clouds of smoke* That should do it.

*Malfoy emerges from the smoke*

Malfoy: Finally! Thank you.

Pandora: not a problem.

Thorn: no more trouble. *brushes his shoulder off* or I swear to god... *lets it hang*

Pandora: Easy now.

Malfoy: I'll be good I promise. I don't want to mess with her. *Motions to Pandora* if she can turn me back I don't want to know what she can turn me into. She's one talented witch.

Pandora: *blushes* awww thank you.

Thorn: *makes face behind him at her and stick tongue out briefly* anyway... Get on with ya, boy. *nudges him*

Malfoy: I'm going, I'm going.

Pandora: bye!

Thorn: later~

Neko: interesting.

Kyoya: yes, very interesting.

Twins: awesome!

Thorn: well... Is there going to be anymore interruptions...? *sighs* ah well... What else did we want to do Pandora?

Pandora: I'm not sure. We had questions but then, I don't know. Do you guys have any questions for us?

Twins: yeah, are the both of you insane?

Thorn: maybe a bit. But you can't prove it as of now.

Pandora: I wouldn't call it insane. Maybe mentally unstable.

Thorn: that sounds a bit better, yeah.

Tamaki: why do you have a thing for locking people in boxes or closets?

Thorn: Ciel told you about that? ... Well, for him... SHOTA IN A BOX. Ahem. *coughs* you guys? It happened to be the smallest room, and there isn't a fangirl that doesn't love her yaoi, so.

Pandora: that is true. I personally don't ship you two but I'm not about to turn down a good yaoi.

Thorn: see? Sense.

All: *sweatdrop*

Hikaru: one last thing.

Thorn: hm?

Kaoru: how is the backstage big enough to fit all that stuff?

Thorn: that, my friend, it something you were never meant to know. *winks*

Pandora: what?

Kyoya: never mind that. How long have you been a witch Pandora?

Pandora: since I was 13.

Thorn: *growls* bitch got lucky is all.

Hunny: how did she get lucky?

Thorn: I don't wanna talk about it... *looks away and fumes*

Haruhi: what's wrong with her?

Pandora: she's just mad because I was in the right place at the right time. With the right friends.

Thorn: *low snarl* mad? Hardly.

Hunny: *offers a piece of cake* Here. Eat this. It will help you feel better.

Thorn: *plops in chair and eats without looking up*

Pandora: thank you Hunny-Senpai. Better now Thorn?

Thorn: *mutters halfheartedly* shut your mouth...

Pandora: *hands up in defense* woah now. Easy.

Thorn: *doesn't answer*

Happy: *flies over* don't make her mad! She's as scary as Erza!

Thorn: shut up cat! *chases him backstage*

Hunny: Thorn! Come back! *Mori and Hunny chase after her*

Twins: well that was weird.

Pandora: She'll be back. But for now lets talk. Do you have any more questions?

Twins: WHY do you have all those people backstage?

Pandora: they kinda live here part-time. It's weird, I know. But like I said earlier, we are just renting this place. *loud enough so Thorn, Happy, Hunny and Mori can hear* so don't break anything!

*more crashing backstage before Gajeel comes out carrying Hunny and Thorn, Mori following*

Thorn: *hand under chin* Thanks Gajeel... I didn't even notice that ledge there...Stupid flying cat...

Gajeel: Watch it. *dumps Thorn and Hunny in chairs and goes back.

Pandora: thank you Gajeel. Tell Levy I said hi. *glares at the two*

Kaoru: what happened back there?

Thorn: *brushes hair off and then does Hunny's* well... There's a lot of stuff back there. Happy-that flying, blue, talking cat-went out over a ledge that I didn't realize was there... And Hunny and I kinda landed on Gajeel. So...

Pandora: You should just be thankful he was there. And you! *Looks at Happy* you, mister, are in big trouble!

*Happy tries to take off*

Pandora: oh no you don't. *Grabs his tail* now listen. Go find Natsu and don't leave his side. And if I see you and you're not with him I will go witchy on your happy ass. Got it?

Happy: AYE SIR!

Pandora: nobody messes with my friends and gets away with it.

Happy: *salutes and takes off*

Kyoya: I would hate to be on her bad side.

Twins: uh huh.

Thorn: that's why I'm surprised we've had so much trouble today... We've both got our days and people don't like us too much for it sometimes.

Pandora: we've had so much trouble because of who else is here. That damn cat had to ruin it all.

Thorn: *rubs face and sighs* It's to be expected I guess. Fairy Tail never was a reasonably behaved guild...

Pandora: I'm surprised management let them in the building.

Thorn: but then we're paying out the ass to rent this place anyway...

Pandora: That's true. *Nods*

Guys: *heads fall sideways*

Thorn: erm... Never mind.

Pandora: *waves it off* just forget it.

Thorn: we've got another ten minutes left of the show. So what do you guys want to do?

Hunny: tour!

Thorn: erm... That won't take too long... C'mon then...

*five minutes of broadcast silence*

*everyone comes stumbling out, burnt, electrocuted, soaking wet, etc*

Thorn: and that would be why you never get in a fight between L, Erza, and cake. *coughs and twitches slightly as small jolt runs through body*

Pandora: *smoothes hair down* Hunny-Senpai you really shouldn't have tried to ask for a bite.

Thorn: *shakes shock off* I didn't know L was so good with a sword... That's completely the wrong time period for him...

Pandora: but it's L.

Tamaki: who's el?

Thorn: Touché... L, Tamaki. As in the letter. He's... *bites lip* the guy with the wild hair and the bags under his eyes that was fighting Erza. He's the greatest detective ever to exist and I cannot reveal his real name to you because I don't want to have to revive him if Light kills him with a Death Note... *sighs*

Tamaki: *extremely confused*

Pandora: don't ask.

Thorn: it would take too long to explain more. He's awesome, leave it at that. Five more minutes... Can we please manage not to get hurt in that short time?

Pandora: I doubt it. But anything is possible.

Haruhi: I have a question.

Thorn: fire away, since you're the least destructive. *twitches a bit at more electricity*

Haruhi: why are your names Thorn and Pandora? I know they're not your real names.

Pandora: uh well I chose to call myself Pandora because of the story behind Pandora's Box. Curiosity. Hope. All that stuff if you know me and the story you can see how it fits.

Thorn: Thorn was just a name that a few of my friends used to call me since they thought they were 'roses.' *shrugs*

Pandora: an old life. Before she was reborn.

Thorn: *snorts* yeah, something like that... Sadly, it stuck. But more like something closer to 'I wisened up and got the fuck out.'

Pandora: sadly? Thorn totally fits you. You're sharp witted. If someone touches you they might get hurt. And above it all is a beautiful rose.

Thorn: *snorts louder but otherwise says nothing*

Tamaki: that... Was so beautiful. *Starts to cry*

Kyoya: here we go again.

Thorn: aw, can it Senpai. There ain't nothing lady or rose-like about me. She's just the perfect ass-kisser. And for that I thank her. *rolls eyes*

Pandora: you know you love me! Well that about wraps up our time here.

Thorn: join us next time! ... If I can stand to do anything like this again... Say bye to the viewers, guys!

Everyone: bye!

*Hunny on mori's shoulders*

*Beelzenef waves*

Pandora: see you next time!

Thorn: and just remember! We do not own Ouran High School Host Club, Fairy Tail, Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji, Death Note, or Harry Potter. Later guys!


End file.
